The paradox of tolerance (2/n)

As identified in the previous piece, the main issue of the paradox of tolerance is in identifying the core rules that our society won't tolerate any transgression of. But how do we recognize something which isn't always vocalized? For instance, I may believe that one of the core values of Dutch society is to let people decide for themselves what is harmful to their person on the observation that coffee shops and prostitution are tolerated. But how can I know for sure? And more importantly, how can I identify the less obvious core values, i.e. those that do not necessarily have physical representation or those that are only made explicit when transgressed.

I can see three different core value sets:

1. The legal core value set which includes everything that has been legislated upon. This is the most explicit and also the most rigid core value set. The list of core values are easily identifiable as well as the punishment for not following these core values.
2. The shared experience core value set which includes all the activities where we lose ourselves into the mass. These experiences include political groups, religions but also concerts and sports events. While some of the rules aren't explicit, the group will typically signify forcefully any transgression. Think about wearing the jersey of the visiting team while sitting in the home fan part of a stadium.
3. The idealist core value set which includes all the figures and events we "look up to" for lack of a better word. These include all experiences of sacrifice of the individual for the collective. For instance, when we talk about the courage this soldier had in defending a strategic position or when we talk about the tenacity of this investigative journalist in identifying the truth at the heart of this political scandal. 

Now in our modern societies, there is a hierarchy that exists between these three different sets. The legal core value set supersedes the shared experience core value set which in turn supersedes the idealist/sacrifice core value set.